In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
PAUSE
In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In an Austrian hotel catering for skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
PAUSE
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.
Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
PAUSE
In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass?
On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.
PAUSE |